Friday, November 16, 2012
Soul Search
As I'm spending this vacation time searching my soul, trying to understand what I want, something came to light today that I've glimpsed before...I am shy.
In high school, I used to cry before I had to go to school. My most telling photo of myself is with my books held in front of me, head ducked. I had a bad accident at 16 and found a way to hide my shyness so I could make it through months of high school with a broken nose and missing a front tooth. I learned to fake it and have been faking it since.
Today, I am to take several pieces of my art to be hung in a local eatery, where it will be for sale. I've had work in galleries, but this is new. The owner sounds like a young, confident person, which makes me feel more shy. I actually cried about it. I feel extremely vulnerable. What if they make fun of me? Of my art?
Tonight, I have to be at the opening of a show where my art will be displayed. That, too, is painful. I usually bluster with fake over-confidence to hide my true feelings. It makes me hate myself. I know I come across as rude and arrogant.
Now I am trying to link this to running The Rat Retreat. Is this why I don't always get along with volunteers? Visitors? Adopters? Depending on how well I know the person, I sometimes dread their arrival. I dread having to make conversation. It's exhausting...trying to think of how to respond, especially if it's someone I don't know well or someone who I feel wants something from me besides knowledge.
Knowledge is easy to give. I can reel off facts about rats and their needs, with ease. Once the questions run out, though, I don't know what to say. Once it gets personal, I clam up. I am afraid for someone to know me too well...just the facts, ma'am...that's all I can give. How does one run a business with this personality? Especially a business where you have to interact with people often?
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You, my dear, are an entrepreneur, not a manager! You are also an introvert, rather than an extravert. An entrepreneurial introvert is a unique individual, filled with ideas, knowledge, facts and experience upon which she relies to make her own decisions. She doesn't necessarily get her energy from being around others, but from having alone time with her own resources. In fact, she might even become exhausted and drained by being around people and find her interpersonal skills diminish the more she is around them. If she does not take regular, prescribed or scheduled time out of each day to be with herself, uninterrupted, she will slowly disintegrate. She needs to surround herself with people who understand this and encourage her "alone time" in order for her to thrive. She also needs to surround herself with people who fill in the gaps where she is less resourceful. That's where managers and extroverts can be helpful for her. Good managers should love being around people and enjoy spending time with them, gaining energy from sharing ideas and thoughts with them. A good manager for the introverted entrepreneur would also enjoy getting involved in the day to day administrative work and not mind delegating to his or her co-workers, being able to keep track of the work being done and reporting it to the managerial introvert. When either person is forced to behave outside of his or her personal style for a long period of time, not only will interpersonal relationships suffer, but the individual's emotional, mental and physical health will suffer.
ReplyDeleteThe most important thing is for the two types of personalities to find each other, work through the initial stages of the differences of their styles, and become close co-workers in order to have a successful organization!
This is why you enjoy sharing knowledge and come across as rude and arrogant sometimes. You need to find your work complement and join forces for the health of The Rat Retreat and yourself!
I love you, Dawn!
Such wise words, Cynthia. Sounds like you know a lot about people. Yes, this would be good for me and The Rat Retreat. Let's pray for that very thing. Maybe if I quit trying to be who I'm not, and get out of the way, God will fill that role!
DeleteDawn, thanks so much for sharing a part of yourself. I enjoyed reading this. I still think we would get along just great! Unless, I would drive you nuts with my forgetfulness!
ReplyDeleteBeeg, I think we already do get along great! Thanks for reading this.
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