Birthing Pains

Regaining my freedom is easier to talk about than to do, as evidenced by today's gut-wrenching decisions. The long-time volunteer who was supposed to train two new volunteers today, called and cancelled 2 hours previous to the start of her shift. The previous week she had told me to make a longer to-do list, so, of course, I had a long list, 2 new people on my hands and other plans. I had already started out the day still sick myself, so certainly didn't feel up to doing the work of two people, plus this was supposed to be my vacation from training and dealing with people. First I cried. I cried long and hard, after scooping up Floyd for comfort. Then I had to make decisions. I knew what I wanted to do, but the gut-wrenching part is battling with what I feel I should do. Shouldn't I take advantage of people wanting to help? One new volunteer was supposed to drop off an application. I didn't even feel like answering the door, much less seeing people. I did not think she would be a long-term volunteer, based on the phone call from her mom, so decided I wouldn't waste my time. When I called to cancel, I discovered she is under our minimum age anyway. The hard part, though, was hearing that she wants to volunteer because she wants a rat. What a wonderful opportunity it would have been...to train someone on how to take good care of her rat. But, I decided, I will never get time for me if I jump on every opportunity sent my way. The other new person was interested in caring for rats and doing office work. I can't see my desk due to the big stack of office work. But training takes time and there is no guarantee anyone will stay. So I called and cancelled her, too. Possibly having her here today would have made the difference between my getting a cage clean or not. But today I chose me. I chose to spend my day alone, follow through with my plans and hope tomorrow I feel like tackling the list of chores from today. Painful, but peaceful.